I am a married woman in her 30s... how awful does that sound - ok, how about... I am a sarcastic 32 year old married woman with a bun in the oven. I have a fantastic dog who has an evil pet cat. My husband and I bought a house 2 years ago and have been doing major renovations since then.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Laughing in bed...

So I'm reading a fabulous book called Snap Happy by Fiona Walker. Just some trashy crap that I picked up at a garage sale ages ago. I gave it to a friend who was looking for books to read and I'd had it for years and never read it so I figured that I'd just give it away... Well she read it and thought it was hilarious - so funny that she gave it back and insisted that I read it. And oh what I nearly missed...

The heroine (Juno), is a smoker and a hard drinker and just shagged her brother’s friend who is staying in her flat (they're British - i'm just trying to be accurate here) for a few months (and she didn’t really like him, but he’s really hot, and she is drunk and depressed from her birthday night on the town)…they are lying in bed and .... (here's an exerpt from the book)

“He ran a hand from her belly to her right breast which was hanging pendulously above his ribs, while the left one dived towards her armpit. Juno wished they wouldn’t obey gravity quite so much. She’d read somewhere that one’s cleavage was starting to droop when one could hold a pencil under a tit whilst standing up. She reckoned she could get three marker pens and a clipboard under hers, no problem.”

I was chuckling to myself when J (the husband) came to bed and so of course I read him a bit, but I guess it wasn't as funny to him somehow... what, with him not having read the first 150 pages like I had. He needs to remember that I am funny. AND, thus anything that I read to him is also funny.

Then today I very nearly missed my bus stop as I was a engrossed in my book again. It's one of those books that is interrupting my life so you want to be finished it, but once you do... it'll be, like, over. And that'll suck.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I AM a grown-up!

I’m excited to know that I have matured and am officially an adult (well mostly). I had a really good time with the ex last night. He hasn’t changed much and I felt nothing more than happiness that he seemed to have a very good life. He brought pictures of his kids and told me stories that I think only parents appreciate. I, however, am not yet a parent and could scarcely believe we were having a conversation in which he said (about his son) “and then he said – juuuice dada?”. It’s nice to see him so immersed in his kids’ lives. At no point did I think – “those could have been OUR kids” – nope, just felt glad for him that he is happy. Then after about an hour and a half (nearing the end of our drinks session), I asked if he ever officially got married and he said that they’ve been engaged for 4 years (which I already knew) and that they were getting married on Friday. It seemed a bit odd for him to wait that long into the conversation to bring that up – especially as it would have been appropriate to bring it up when I talked about my wedding. There were some weird statements that I glossed over in our conversation. He said that it was odd to think about how different your life might have been had you taken a different turn somewhere along the way. And he said he always felt bad about how I moved out there and then had to move back with no job and no home etc. I guess he was looking for a little “it’s ok, I grew as a person, had a great time and don’t regret that year at all” but what I said was “well, I got the dog and that’s all I really wanted anyway”. NICE. That was very nice. It was a bit of a joke, but I was super bitter about it for a year or so after so I didn’t really want to say it was all ok, because it wasn’t for a long time.

Then I got an email this morning from him saying how he had a great time and then

“I think when you spend as much time with someone as we did without actually hating each other I think you will always care about that person. Whenever I come back to Vancouver I always get flooded with all sorts of memories, all good, it makes me smile but at the same time a little sad because of all the good times I left behind, I guess people have to move on and have new things in their life that make them happy. Sorry to be weird but it’s nice to be able to talk about how I feel and I still feel like I can talk to you about everything, probably always will.”

Now COME ON – that’s odd! He sounds pretty melancholy, but I really don’t think it’s my place to be the one he talks to about that sooo I sent back a short little “It was nice to see you too, you seem very happy with your kids. I’m glad it’s all working out for you. Good luck with the wedding.” And that’s it. I believe it’s called “closure”. (or perhaps heartless, either way...)

I think that it’s all related to his upcoming wedding. I think he’s having a little freakout. I wonder if all guys do that before the wedding – have to check in with exes just to see that all the right decisions have been made. I was with a guy briefly for a whirlwind romance while traveling once (ahh good times). He later called me and talked about moving across the country to be closer to me and I freaked out and put the kibosh on that as it was a traveling affair – not one that I’d ever have in “real life” – and you have to leave those as just good memories, they don’t carry over. Then we didn’t speak/write for years until one day he emailed me to say that he was getting married soon and wanted to check that there still wasn’t a chance with us?!?! WTF? What’s up with guys talking to their exes just before they tie the knot?

Right before we got married, I asked my husband if he felt the need to call “L” (the girl that he lived with before me) and make sure he was making the right decision. He actually seemed genuinely confused and said “no, why would I call her?”. That made me happy.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Funny Mixed Drink

Here is a funny little mixed drink I found


I will try to be an adult

OK, so I’m a small and petty person. I realize that. Perhaps one day I can be the bigger person that I am pretending to be – THAT will be a good day. I will have grown, matured, and frankly – evolved into a real adult.

I got an email today from an ex-boyfriend. This was a significant ex. I lived with him for a few years, I moved across the country for him, I spent 4 1/2 years with him and then I moved back and left it all behind me. Thankfully when it was going very badly, we talked and decided to give it one last shot – “this month, we’ll really try to make it work”… and nope, no go. So as a result of that one last shot, I was left with no doubt in my mind that he was NOT the one for me. Nice guy and all that, but not a good fit. I was angry for a while at the years I “wasted” with him, and then I moved on.

Then after my husband (titter titter) and I had been dating for a few months, I found out that my ex was engaged. ENGAGED! As in TO-BE-MARRIED! I was secretly crushed and went through the whole –what was wrong with ME, why didn’t he ask ME – I was with him for 4 ½ YEARS and this girl has only been dating him for 2 years (that is assuming that those “lunches” he had with her when we lived together were just plutonic ;) That was odd, as I knew I didn’t want him, and certainly didn’t want to marry him, but it seems a bit of a blow for him to just up and marry the next girl who came along, and hadn’t put in the time I had. Well whatever. I got over it and seriously can say that I wish him and his family all the best – (as far as I know they are still engaged 4 years later and now have 2 children together). That being said… I don’t feel the need to be in contact with him. I have a couple mutual friends that update me on the people I knew then, including him – that’s enough.

Today I got an email from him saying “I hear you got married, congratulations” and that he’s in town for work and he would “love the two of us to get together”. I thought it was a bit odd that he didn’t say “hey, let’s get together”, but to specify just the 2 of us. He actually met my husband years ago (about 4 ½ yrs ago) for about 2 minutes at a wedding – although he was drunk and with his buddies and so I don’t know if he remembers. Not that my husband would want to go. Nonetheless, I have decided to if not be a big person, then act like a big person and meet him for a drink. He said dinner or drinks but dinner might drag on and be so much more of a nightmare, so drinks, tonight, at 7:30. I cleared it with my husband just in case he cared – which as predicted, he doesn’t. He said that he’d just DNA test the kid that pops out in 9 months – but that’s just his twisted sense of humour. So I’m going for a drink and plan on being home by 9. That’s reasonable. I will admit that the only reason I’m going, (well, aside from the fact that it will prove I’m an adult)… is that things are going very well in my life and I’m happy. I have things to say – if he asks what’s going on - I got married, the husband and I went to Spain and Portugal, and we have a house we are renovating. That and his stuff should cover the hour and a half easily. Wish me luck.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Fat cat

My cat is fat. She makes no appology for it either. She's been fat for years and has hit a bit of a static state - she's been the same weight for a few years (allbeit heavy). At first we decided that she was better off fat and happy even if it shaved a few months off her life in the long run, then recently she developed a bit of a limp after sleeping for a while. This looked like arthritis and was probably a result of moving too much weight around on her little joints, so it is finally time for a diet. I've tried her on previous diets and she really isn't too fond of them. I've tried diet food and she didn't like it and just moved onto the dog food (the dog is a grazer and thus food is out for her all the time). So this meant I either feed them both at intervals and make them finish it or take it away, or I put the dog on larger food kernels and the cat on a diet. We changed the dog food and The Weens went on to the reducing formula (I think this is one step worse than diet!). The Weens has a cat door so we can't be sure she isn't "going out for lunch" at someone else's house when she's out. So Weens has been on this "diet" 3/4 cup of food per day for a couple of months and she never seemed to finish her food - and this was supposed to be the starting amount! Once she got used to is I was to cut it down further. Well, yesterday we found out the problem. There was something on the deck, I went for a closer look, and yup that pile there, that's intestines all right. And a rat tail over there and oh wait, what's that? A tiny little rat arm severed from what was left of the body - which, for the record, wasn't much. Now I am clear, I can cut back on the food as she is most definitely getting take out for dinner anyway.


OK, so there’s something you should know about me – I’m cheap. Not as in slutty-trashy-whore-girl cheap (I’m over that phase), but more miserly-spendthrifty-stingy cheap. It could be due to my Scottish heritage, or just the good upbringing ;) but there is nothing I love better than getting a good deal on something. I rarely buy clothes over $25 and looove a good dollar store. Now don’t get me wrong…it’s not that I don’t spend money…oh I DO, I love to shop, and I do it a lot, but I spend it at specific stores. I buy stuff at Daiso (a $2 store with all the great stuff you’ll ever want, and more), Winners, Wal-Mart, and lots of little weird shops that I don’t even know the name of, but I know where they are. I only go to these specific shops for special things. There is a little dingy store with absolutely no ambiance that sells track suits, shirts and mostly baby clothes for ridiculously cheap, right near my house. Now… I don’t actually HAVE a baby, but if I did, I could buy it $3 sleepers – nice cotton fuzzy ones too!

So people who know I know where the “good” stores are now ask me where they could buy obscure items – I’m still on the hunt for the beaters out of a mixer – just the beaters – for a friend. Sometimes when I go on an impromptu shopping spree at my dollar stores, my husband (titter titter) says “why? Are you depressed?” Ah, he knows me well. Nothing cheers me up more than a brand new t-shirt for $4, or this great new cat dish that I found for $1. I am a bit of a therapeutic shopper, I won’t deny it. It seems to happen more in the winter when it’s dark out too, I recognize that – and by recognizing it, it isn’t a problem –isn’t that how it works? As I know that shopping makes me happy, AND that I really don’t have a lot of disposable income, I have to shop at $1 stores or we’d be heavily in debt with lots of expensive stuff.

So… I do tend to ramble on. I went shopping this weekend. Clothes shopping. This is something I do rarely as I am hardly a fashion diva, I love my jogging pants with paint on them and feel no shame wearing them out to the grocery store. Every time my mum comes to town and I wear those super comfy painty joggers she says “och dear, do you need some money?” (read with a scottish accent). THAT’S how sexy they are. But I digress, I went shopping and I went with intention to buy stuff, lots of stuff, and spend lots of money. This rarely happens – I mean I will accidentally spend $50 at the cheapie stores but I get a lot of items for that price so I feel like it was a steal, but I’d never spend that much on one item – like a shirt, ‘cause you have little to show for it in the end – rip off. So, hellllllo Old Navy. “Sale” is one of my favorite words and it was everywhere at Old Navy. I bought 2 (count them – 2!) pairs of cords – which were the reason I went there – what are the odds of going for a specific item, and finding ones that fit properly and getting them for only …$28. I KNOW! SO exciting. And since I was there and they were cheap (1/2 price), I also threw in a long sleeved shirt and a new sweatshirt with a kangaroo pocket. Then the next day I went to Winners… ah Winners, it’s hit and miss with Winners, you never do know what you’re going to find. I found two more pairs of pants at Winners (or Weiners as I like to call it). The sad part in all my pants shopping is that I have just found that i am finally wider than i am tall for the bottom half of my body, anyway. It was a bit of a blow, but for the record I could have worn the 30 x 30s but I didn't want to risk bursting the seams... I wonder if my neck has grown with my waist. Why, you might ask? Well, if you hold up a pair of pants (with the button done up) and wrap the waistband around your neck (as if you were wearing the bum part for a bib) - the seams at each side should just meet at the back of your neck. That is the right size for your pants. It's useful info for if you want to buy pants somewhere there is no changeroom. Ya... just try it.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

The Players

OK, so i've decided to start a blog. I'm not huge on punctuation and i like the "..." so get used to it.
I hope to have something witty to say here and there but generally i just like to whine and moan about things. I'll start with the characters in my life, there are:

the husband - I still laugh about calling him my "husband" and haven't yet had a good real opportunity to use the word while serious. You know, like when the phone company calls about changing something and you say "i'll talk to my husband (snicker snicker) and get back to you". Up to this point it's been "ya, I'll bring the husband to dinner too" (HAR!) and we all share a little laugh. Apparently this marriage and the finality of it hasn't really sunk in yet. We've been married for a couple of months - how sad that I just had to work it out - i'm clearly not one of those "counting the days since..." types, and so far it's pretty much the same as when we were just livin' in sin all those years. I fear that one day it'll hit me and woo, then what, I'll realize that i'm tied down, have a ball and chain, going to have to look at that same face, fight with that same person FOR EVER! Dun dun dunn... But for now, I will live in blissful ignorance of the major change i have apparently (so people try to tell me) made in my life. But I digress... back to the players -

the sister - I have one sister and we are sort of on and off friend-wise. She is pretty self-absorbed and just can't understand how the world can't see things as she does. I've often heard her say "if I ruled the world, I'd make it so that..." It's not that people can have their own opinions, it's that this is the right opinion and anything else is inconceivable. "how can they think that?!" She has trouble seeing outside of her bubble and what is right for her should be right for everyone else. More about her later... don't get me started...

the units (ie, my parents, or the parental units) - Scottish couple, married for over 30 years, good fun, friendly people.

the dog - aka "the pooh", a fantastic dog who i can say is the best thing that ever happened to me (pathetic I know - especially in the minds of non-dog people). The Husband would never have been interested if it weren't for The Pooh, and frankly, I was only interested in giving The Husband a whirl because The Pooh liked him so much. I had known The Husband for a year or so as we played on the same ultimate team, but it was his reaction (and The Pooh's excitement)every time i'd bring The Pooh to the games that made me think "hmmm...".

the cat - aka "the weenis" ya, it's a bit of an odd nickname (not her real name, I might add, just something she often goes by). Also called Weens. Weens is a black and fairly evil cat. She was an add on, a foundling, and basically became a pet for my pet. We love the Weenis and she loves us and The Pooh, but not so much other people. There have been a few unfortunate "incidents" when we've had people looking after her for a weekend - which basically just meant coming in to put more food in the dish. She has attacked at least 3 caregivers on separate occasions and frankly we are running out of friends who want to risk it when we go away. DO NOT GO TOWARD THE CAT!!! No matter how friendly she seems, she gives love, does not receive it well, don't look directly at her. Oh and she's masssssive. How un-PC of me I know, but she's fairly large. If you've ever seen the shmoo (white bowling pin type cartoon character from yesteryear), then you've seen the white version of the Weens -only Weens has a couple-few pounds on the shmoo. She is currently on a diet but it's not working, which is my fault as i don't like to starve her. We also suspect she is supplementing her meals and eating out somewhere.

OK, that sums up my family, the husband's family is something else altogether... I'll go through them quickly... his parents - lovely people, and older couple in their 80s who have been married for over 50 years (my husband was... let's just say it... an accident late on in life for them). The Husband has a sister and a brother. His sister is super nice, in her early 50s, never married, travels a lot with work. His brother is a nice guy, late 40s, married with 3 kids. The Brother-In-Law married a woman whom I have a lot of trouble loving up. Sadly she has no social awareness, not a clue that maybe she shouldn't be asking things or bringing up topics that are inappropriate in certain company. It's just awkward and painful every time i have to go there for christmas dinner or one of the kids' birthday dinners. Painful. Painful I tell you. I don't know if you can tell, but i'm not a fan. Don't get me wrong, she's not stupid, she has a very high powered job - makes a ton-o-cash, but socially inept. The kids are ok, although the youngest child is a bit of a princess and likes to try to get allll the attention.

OK, i realize that I am probably supposed to be keeping it short but you need the background to understand my later posts. There will be others added as the days go on, but we'll start slowly.