I am a married woman in her 30s... how awful does that sound - ok, how about... I am a sarcastic 32 year old married woman with a bun in the oven. I have a fantastic dog who has an evil pet cat. My husband and I bought a house 2 years ago and have been doing major renovations since then.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Last full day of work

36 weeks + 1 day

There is a full moon tonight... here's hoping I don't go into labour early and wait for the next full moon...

So today is the last full day of work for me for A YEAR!!! Next week I am working half days to ensure the new chick is up to speed. At first I was pretty excited about nearly being finished work - and don't get me wrong, I still am... but now... I've realized that it means I am THAT much closer to actually having to give birth and then deal with the kid afterward. Hmmm... not sure I'm ready for that yet.

Suddenly the thought of childbirth is pretty frightening. I do go in waves - one day I'll think - I CAN DO IT... and then the next day it's like - Holy Shit, sometimes a big poo hurts and I can't do that times about 100 - out of my woo-hoo. I'm not looking forward to that "ripped in half" feeling that women who have gone through it take great pleasure in telling me about.

We do have a great doula and I'm just hoping that with her and J's help I can get through it as tolerably as possible. It does seem imminent now.

I am trying to get some things to do after I leave work so I'm not just waiting for the first contraction. I plan on reading the new Harry Potter book, watching a few seasons of 6 Feet Under, cleaning the house, tidying the baby's side of our bedroom (currently filled with baby stuff in bags and boxes), making diapers, napping, baking maybe?, freezing some food, and getting a haircut. I'm going to start with the haircut.

Also this weekend I think J wants to stain the deck - if we don't get to it, or get it finished I thought I might do that next week in the afternoons that I have off. That would be productive. We also have to stain part of the fence, and varnish a different part so there is plenty to do before the end of this summer (and the baby arrives).

I might just loaf... we'll see how it goes. I might buy a plastic pool for our backyard and just lie whale-like in it all day (if the weather stays this hot)... it's always an option.

I think I might be a bit bored and go a bit stir-crazy by myself all day - I think I'll miss some of the people at work (none of whom I actually work with though)... Who will I talk to? J is going to get some sort of grilling every time he comes home "how was your day?, what happened? who did you talk to? how are they all? what are your plans for this evening?" oh I fear I'll be relentless and he'll just be tired from working all day. I'll try to keep that to a minimum.

Lots of fears, so little time...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The in-laws were here...

35 weeks + 5 days.

So J's parents and sister were with us on the weekend. Frankly, it was exhausting. Love them to pieces but they are 81 and his sister is about 52 and looks after their needs... like oh, coffee, lunch, etc. And despite all the sister's help, so I didn't really have to do anything, it was exhausting. I felt like I couldn't just go and nap, like I had to entertain them the whole day and a half that they were staying at our place. I fear for the nightmare that will happen Sept. 30th - Oct 11 when just the parents come back - no sister this time. I believe they will be sleeping at J's brother's place, but they will be over with me every day to see the new baby. Arg. How will I look after a baby and also get them coffee or whatever? They can't leave our house by themselves as they need an arm to go down the front steps. I expect that my poor mother will end up manning them a bit while I nap and feed the baby. I get stressed out just thinking about it.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

And this from the head of HR!!

34 weeks + 5 days

So I'm in the elevator with a couple of girls I work with and another woman from another floor when the head of HR and another guy from HR get in with us. Both of these men are grey haired and inappropriate in different ways. The head of HR is a bit "dirty old man" and makes you want to shower after he talks to you. So there are 6 people in the elevator and he makes a huge production about pretending to have to squeeze by me to get into the elevator (indicating that I'm so huge).... I smile and laugh politely - umm, hmm. Then he asks how I'm feeling with the voice that projects the "I'm so sorry for you" sort of feeling. I say that I'm feeling "GREAT, thanks." He says "it's not too hot for you?". "NOPE, our house is pretty cools so it's fine". He says "So are you exercising a lot?". And I think... FUCK YOU... and I could tell him about my twice daily dog walks and my weekly - soon to be twice weekly aquasize class, but I say "um, no, hardly at all really" - because it's none of your beeswax puffy. Then he says "well, are you eating healthily?". At which point one of the girls I am with blurts out "oh my god, I think your dad is in this elevator!!" and the other girl snorts a guffaw in distain to his question. The woman from the other floor says "oh my goooood" and pretends to shield her eyes from him. I tell him that "no, I'm eating Blizzards every day and loving it" and we leave the elevator.

Who hires these people? Are they aware that the head of HR is one of the MOST inappropriate people in the company? Who do you go to when the head of HR is a total fucking tool?

Whatever, 8 more full days and 5 half days to go before I leave work.... goodbye cruel world...

Childbirthing classes

34 weeks + 5 days

So we went to the childbirth classes this weekend. It was "birthing from within" so it was fairly granola to begin with (all the hospital classes were booked and this one was recommended to me). We endured some painful sections like when we had to draw an emotion or something along that line - a little too abstract for us. I did end up being pleased with having gone, by the end though. It made me think of my fears surrounding this birth and motherhood - something I never really sat down and thought about fully before this. I learned that I am deathly afraid of having an epideural - but am prepared to have one if the labour goes on too long or it is deemed to perhaps stop me from having a c-section (or if I change my mind part way through and want to block the pain). The epideurals prevent the mother from getting the big dose of oxytocin at the end which is the hormone that helps you bond with the baby. As I am not a baby lover, one of my major fears is that I won't like the baby or won't like being a mother so I want to boost my chances of bonding as much as possible - another reason I don't want the epideural. The classes did bring up some stuff that J and I talked about afterward, so that was positive. Also we held ice cubes and practices pain management techniques. I can't tell you how painful it is to hold an ice cube in your hand for any length of time. Really. Try it, you'd be surprised. I found the practicing of pain management techniques extremely helpful - there were many different techniques and now I know what works for me and what doesn't. And better yet, J knows what NOT to do during contractions. The men had to hold ice cubes as well to give them an idea of what we will go through (although I do recognize it will be worse than holding an ice cube). It gave me hope that I will be able to actually give birth and manage the pain. Part of it is now I know what to expect - in the stages of birth etc. Overall, it was worth going (and I never thought I'd say that!!!).

It was a bit overwhelming spending all weekend talking about the pain of labour etc and to face the fears associated with it so by Sunday afternoon when it was all over I had a good solid sob session in my bed to let it all out and then an hour nap. That was just the ticket... I felt 100 times better after that. Highly recommend it.

Friday, August 05, 2005


34 weeks +1 day

Arg... OK so I can't remember if I've mentioned that J's parents have been goaded into coming to visit US (by his sister-in-law - aka EW (evil whoor)) in October. I do not want them to visit at the beginning of October as I may have a brand new baby that we are trying to work out - especially if I don't deliver right on the due date (Sept. 15th) and go late. Also we have one spare room and my mum will be coming down as soon as the baby is here to help us. So she will be staying in that room. J's parents are older - in their 80s - FANTASTIC people, but older so we have to dote on them - my mum is only in her late 50s and she plans on doing all our laundry, cooking and cleaning and leaving us to get to know the baby. PERFECT. So after talking to J - I told him that my mum will be here so if EW wants his parents to be here then so badly, THEY can house them. He agreed and said he told his brother that the parents would have to stay with them. Now, J's sister lives in the same town as his parents and she totally looks after them. She is working in October and can't come - she usually comes with them and gets them whatever they need and drives them around. I got an email from her this morning saying "I booked Mum and Dad's tickets - arriving on Friday September 30th - {J's brother} requested the earlier arrival so that they could go to the boys hockey game on the weekend, and returning on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving (the 11th). Depending on timing, if your parents are still visiting they can stay at Pat's." Not only is J's brother and EW manipulating WHEN the parents come (early for THEIR kid's hockey game) - they still want them to stay with US!!! F**KIN HELL. AND they are now coming on Sept. 30 - not Oct. 3rd as originally planned. ARG. J doesn't have the sort of relationship with his parents - or his brother for that matter - to tell them off - or "suggest" that they come out just at christmas as they plan to do anyway so it looks like somehow I'm going to have to suck it up. I can already imagine the nightmare of my mother cooking for his parents while my mum sleeps in the basement on an air mattress or some nightmare like that. Meanwhile I'll be crying and fuming upstairs with a brand new baby I don't know what to do with.

J WAS planning on taking 3 weeks off to hang with the baby. NOW it depends on when the baby comes, how much time he'll take off - all due to his brother and EW. If the baby is born on the 15th he can still take off the 3 weeks - but if the kid is early... then he'll have to take only 2 weeks off and then wait till his folks come and take another week then to drive them back and forth from his brother's place every day (they live about a 30 min- 45 min drive away). THAT is really cutting into our baby time and really annoying me. I wish his brother and EW would BUTT OUT of our lives and just deal with their own. EW told me that we'd be so happy to have the parents help out because they were a big help to them when the twins were born - YA, LIKE 11 YEARS AGO when the parents were 70 - not 81!!! AND THERE WERE 2 BABIES - NOT 1. AND MY MUM IS COMING TO HELP. God I hate EW.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

He is getting nervous...

33 weeks + 5 days

J usually sleeps through everything and anything - including the dog barfing in our bedroom (just for an example). Last night he came to bed and I had been sleeping for an hour or so. I got up shortly after he settled to go to the bathroom. He asked where I was going... and I told him I was off to the loo (as I do a billion times a night)... Then at about 3 am I woke up again and had to go pee again. I got up all stealthy-like (imagine if you will, a huge whale being hoisted out of a bed) and tried to keep the grunting noises to a minimum while I got out of bed. We have 2 fans going in our bedroom at night so it's pretty loud with the white noise - I can hardly hear my alarm in the morning even. I didn't even wake the dog who was asleep on the floor when I went down to the bathroom. When I was finished I was leaving the bathroom to find J halfway down the stairs! He NEVER gets up in the night. He asked if I was ok... and I told him that I PROMISE I will tell him if something is ever going on and that he'll have to just sleep through my nightly peeing rituals (as he's been doing for oh say about 8 months...). I mean, it's not like I'm going to secretly squeeze a baby out in the night and surprise him with it in the morning. It is pretty cute that he's getting a bit worried about me though. He's good shit.